How do you know when your self esteem is low?!! Question to ponder!! I have always struggled with myself esteem since I came to America. When I was in Nigeria I did not know anything about low self esteem. All I knew in Nigeria was to go to school come home and have play dates with my friend and go to birthday parties. One thing I can say about my school experience in Nigerian school is that I was never verbally abused by my peers. When I came to America, I was placed in an inner city middle school. I was 11 years old in the 7th grade so naturally I was very much younger than my peers and not to brag but I was smarter. The kids at this school were very vicious and mean spirited. I was called all kinds of names in the book. My famous name was African booty scratcher (sounds lovely doesn’t it?). I was called blackie, go back to Africa you are ugly, African girl, damn your black, you talk funny, they use to come in to my face and yell damn you so ugly!! and run and the whole hallway would just burst out laughing.Oh and they constantly asked if I saw Trazan and Jane in Africa? did I swing on trees and play with monkeys!!argh imagine the ignorance of those kids!!! Now imagine an innocent child from another country coming to America to experience such hatred and bullying from kids that have the same skin color as me.they didnt want me to sit next to them at lunch and ate my lunch in oblivion most days!! at that age we were not allowed to eat outside so i had to find a corner and sit and try to eat my lunch in peace while the kids stared at me and made constant fun of me!!!it got to a point that I dreaded lunch time!!!I was never a self conscious child until i came to America. As i am writing this i am fighting back tears of pain as i remember the torture i experienced at school.( moment of silence while i get myself back together)!!SIGH!! my schooling experiences in America damaged my self esteem for years, and it has affected my adult relationships. I am still dealing with many issues today!! I hated African American because I felt the one group of people that should have accepted me ridiculed me in such a way that I could not stand to be close to them. I remember how I use to go home crying to my mother that I didn’t want to go back to school and I wanted to go back to Nigeria. If not for the strength of my mother pushing me and constantly telling me that I was not ugly that God has blessed me to be great who knows where I would be today. This is just a piece of a very intensive experience in America. I guess this is a journey of how my self esteem came to be so low, and how I have struggled to get myself back. I have struggled and struggled with myself worth over the years. I have done things that I should not have done, dated men that abused me. I thank God that I never encountered physical abuse but any other abuse that you can think of I have been through it. I will stop here for now to be continued.
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