Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Drunk in Love@#@#!

Sitting here at 3 am trying to write something but all I can think about is Beyonce's "Drunk in Love" There is something about the beat that just draws me in. Got it on repeat for about an hr so far! It is liberating to hear that she is happy and her love life got her surfing.Wishing I was surfing somewhere in Florida yes! Go ahead girl keep drinking your watermelon!lol  Maybe one day!!

I just love her!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

It seems like forever!! Major sidetrack!!

It seems like forever since I blogged! Actually, somewhere down the path I was taking I lost my motivation and inspiration! Without saying too much right now I sidetracked so much that my life right now is about to take a very different path. There is a saying that goes that hindsight is 20/20. I guess I do not have good hindsight and my vision was certainly not 20/20! I refuse to give up even though I created the chaos in my life right now!
I know that life cannot be all bad and things do change and get better just like the seasons. 2013 started out very rough in ways that I never imagined or dreamed it would be and it is mid year and I have nothing to show so far. As much as I sometimes want to just lay down and die, something inside me just keeps pushing me to get up and keep trying. I am pushed to seek a better life, pushed to never quit, push to trust God in all I do but must importantly pushed to let go and let God. I will get my motivation and find new inspirations. When life gives you lemons Darn it!!! make some gosh darn lemonades!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and Love
# RockSteady!!!!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Surviving!





Sexual abuse is very sensitive subject and must people do not like to talk about it. I was born and raised in Nigeria where my abuse took place. As a child, I never told anyone about my abuse and I lived with it for many years. Coming to America like I have said many times was an eye opener for me this is where I realized that abuse was wrong though I never sought help for it.
 I see myself as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have written most of my story on my blog already but lately, I have been thinking about what it takes to actually become a survivor! What does that word mean? According to the dictionary, the word survive has several definitions. ‘To survive’ means: To carry on despite hardships or trauma; to persevere; to cope with (a trauma or setback); to persevere after a tough incident. One source defines a survivor as ‘One who lives through affliction’! I like that last one the most.
Yes! I have been carrying on despite trauma but I realize I am I just floating through life and letting life dictate for me what and how I should feel. What is controlling my happiness and my success? Sure! I survived childhood abuse but what psychological effect has it had on my life thus far?
How do I see myself as survivor and what actions do I have to take in my daily life to overcome my demons? Can you really be free from the demons of the past or do you just learn to live with them? And not let the demons dictate for you how you are going to live your life? I spent time looking back at the decisions I had made so far in my life and I realize that I am still tied to my past. My self esteem was not what I thought it was. I was still doing things and involving myself with things and people that indicated to me that I have no self love.
So the battle continues between good and evil. Do I rise up to the occasion or do I continue to be a product of my environment? I am mainly asking myself questions right now so my writing will reflect what is going on in my head at the moment. All questions will be answered step by step. One thing I am learning to do is be present in my life, moment by moment.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Violence Wheel

Violence Wheel

The chart below is a way of looking at the behaviors abusers use to get and keep control in their relationships. Battering is a choice. It is used to gain power and control over another person. Physical abuse is only one part of a system of abusive behaviors.

Abuse is never a one time event.
This chart uses the wheel to show the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of abuse. Each part shows a way to control or gain power.