DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???

I wanted to share with you the thoughts that has been in my head since I started this journey!!

BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS!

I remember when I was preparing to speak out about the abuse I suffered as a child, I was very afraid. I was worried about what my family’s reaction was going to be. How was I going to approach any subject related to my abuse? I did not know what to expect but I understood human nature and sometimes it can be very cruel. Of course when I did come out with my story, I felt resistance from many different sources.
My family for the most part was supportive even though I did face a little resistance. I had people tell me that I should not be talking about such a topic especially being a young woman because now I would appear tainted. I thought to myself, “I have been tainted since I was 6 so what would be the difference now?” I had someone tell me, “Now no man is going to marry you because of your past”. Put it this way, I have been told so many hurtful things in my life and I had to pray hard for God to heal my heart and allow me not to hold grudges against some of those people. They knew no better.
As I was going through my spiritual and emotional awakening, I discovered Joshua in the Bible. Joshua was taking over from were Moses had left off. His mission was to take the children of Israel across the Red Sea. In Joshua chapter 1 verse 6, God reminds Joshua to “Be strong and courageous”. Three times He reminds him to be strong and courageous. God knew the task at hand was not going to be an easy one for Joshua.

Trusting God foolishly and unapologetically!

       Trusting God is something I know so well but did so little of until this present time in my life. I gave my life to Christ when I was 11. From that age up until around about 14 yrs I was committed and unadulterated when it came to my relationship with him. God has always showed himself to me answering my prayer even at that young age. Somewhere along the line I lost my focus on him and everything else in the world seem more important that nourishing my relationship with him. I have always had a burning desire to serve him in boldness and in truth, but I always got side tracked. I am sharing this with you just to encourage you to stand strong in your faith, link up with like minded people so that way you always have encouragement when your faith starts to waver. I am growing into a space in my life where I am learning to trust God foolishly (something I learned from a friend). Letting go, and allowing 100% control of my life to God knowing he will take care of me, and he will never fail me. Truth is this adds to the list of the one of the hardest things I have to learn while on my Journey. I know that God will never forsake me so, why should I worry about tomorrow. His word reminds us that if the birds do not worry how they are going to feed how much more us that were created in his image. Much to be said about that, but I just wanted to encourage you as am learning more and more about me. I realized that I am nothing without God and I am dedicated to serve him foolishly and unapologetically!  

Until next time….

Peace, Love, and Hair Grease!!! #ROCKSTEADY!!!!

CHECK YOURSELF!!!

     

  I have always had struggles in my life and I almost accepted that I was meant to struggle. I did not know that the struggles in my past were linked to me doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results (insanity). I would get into relationships hoping to find a piece of me that was missing only to end up heartbroken, and blame the other person for the demise of the relationship. You cannot expect someone to complete you if you are not in yourself. You cannot expect to find your true self in a relationship. You have to be willing to do the work on your own before you get into a relationship. One of the reasons many relationships fail is because we expect the other person to pick up the slack of us being mediocre. We bring our insecurities into the relationship. Relationships are full of baggages from our past, patterns that we inherited from our parents.  We expect our partners to fill the void left by an absentee parent or the love we lacked has children. Some of us were abuse and or neglected. Our parents or caretaker did not create an environment where we felt protected or celebrated. Instead what we got were constant put downs, telling us what they wanted us to be, what we were not, constant comparisons to our peers, how much better our peers are doing,  lack of encouragement, negative motivations. Some of us were not even wanted or cared for my one or both of our parents. So as adults we look for what we did not get in others, some of us vow to never treat others the way we were treated yet we end up behaving exactly like our parents. We either build fences to keep people out or we let all kinds of people in who will hurt or damage us even more, so you see the cycle continues! Then we procreate and the patterns continue from generation to generation. To bring this home I am going to refer to a bible story to illustrate generational patterns. This is the pattern of rejection (Learned from the book “you are what you think”)

      I am reminded of a story I read recently about how patterns take shape in the family. This story is about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and their respective sons.

When Sarah was unable to bear a son for Abraham he was given Hagar the maid who bore him a son named Ishmael. Later on Sarah bore a son named Isaac. Because Sarah felt threaten by fact that Ishmael was born to Abraham. She forced Abraham to send Ishmael and his mother away. Ishmael was therefore rejected and sent way by this father.  Isaac had Esau and Jacob, Isaac, favored Esau over Jacob while Rebecca favored Jacob. Esau sold his birth right and also lost his blessing from his father. After all was said and done Jacob was sent away for his protection from Esau. So rejection comes into play again.  Jacob decided to get married he asked Laban for Rachel but he was given Leah. Jacob rejected Leah in favor of Rachel. He was willing to work several more years for Rachel. Even though Leah had many sons for Jacob he was not moved instead when Rachel finally bore him a son named Joseph, Jacob favored Joseph over all is other sons and showed him favoritism. Jacobs’s treatment of Joseph did not seat well with his brothers so his brothers rejected him Joseph was later rejected by his brothers and sold into slavery.

So you see the patterns of rejection in the three generation of Abraham’s family.

What patterns exist in your family? Look back at your parents and their parents you might be surprise to see what patterns were form and how those patterns are affecting your life today?

Until next time….

Love peace and hair grease. #ROCKSTEADY!!!

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ROAD LESS TRAVELLED

THIS IS HOW I DREAM!

HELLO WORLD! As you can see, it has been a long time since I blogged.  So I would like to apologize to my readers for not updating. You see I have been continuing “"My Journey Through therapy" , doing a lot of soul searching, purging myself of toxic relationships, and working on my relationship with God. (Without God I am nothing)

Soul searching has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do because it requires me to actually take a hard long look at my soul and admit shortcomings, deal with the demons of my past, and in the process eliminate those cycles of life that I have been dealing with over and over again without any results. This past couple of months felt like I have been going through the fiery furnace. I set some goals for myself and I am surely accomplishing those goals.          

Learning and growing is a lifelong process and we must seek out knowledge. Learning about me has been terrifying. I lost count of how many crying days and nights I have had. It has been times when I cried everyday for week at a time because I learned something new about myself, and the dynamics surrounding either my past or my present situations. I have let go of people I thought I loved so deeply that it hurt me at the time to be without them. I let go because of the toxicity and drama they brought to my life masquerading as love and understanding. I finally realize that I cannot expect ANYONE TO SEE ME FOR WHO I AM IF I DO NOT SEE MYSELF THE WAY GOD SEE ME!!!!

The best part of this journey is learning to finally accept who God created me to be instead of masquerading in mediocrity AND ALLOWING OTHER TO DICTATE FOR ME HOW I SHOULD BEHAVE, HOW I SHOULD FEEL, AND HOW I SHOULD SEE MYSELF!

I am going to keep this post short, but trust me I have plenty to say so expect to see regular updates!

PEACE LOVE AND HAIR GREASE!! #ROCKSTEADY!!!