ROAD LESS TRAVELLED

THIS IS HOW I DREAM!

HELLO WORLD! As you can see, it has been a long time since I blogged.  So I would like to apologize to my readers for not updating. You see I have been continuing “"My Journey Through therapy" , doing a lot of soul searching, purging myself of toxic relationships, and working on my relationship with God. (Without God I am nothing)

Soul searching has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do because it requires me to actually take a hard long look at my soul and admit shortcomings, deal with the demons of my past, and in the process eliminate those cycles of life that I have been dealing with over and over again without any results. This past couple of months felt like I have been going through the fiery furnace. I set some goals for myself and I am surely accomplishing those goals.          

Learning and growing is a lifelong process and we must seek out knowledge. Learning about me has been terrifying. I lost count of how many crying days and nights I have had. It has been times when I cried everyday for week at a time because I learned something new about myself, and the dynamics surrounding either my past or my present situations. I have let go of people I thought I loved so deeply that it hurt me at the time to be without them. I let go because of the toxicity and drama they brought to my life masquerading as love and understanding. I finally realize that I cannot expect ANYONE TO SEE ME FOR WHO I AM IF I DO NOT SEE MYSELF THE WAY GOD SEE ME!!!!

The best part of this journey is learning to finally accept who God created me to be instead of masquerading in mediocrity AND ALLOWING OTHER TO DICTATE FOR ME HOW I SHOULD BEHAVE, HOW I SHOULD FEEL, AND HOW I SHOULD SEE MYSELF!

I am going to keep this post short, but trust me I have plenty to say so expect to see regular updates!

PEACE LOVE AND HAIR GREASE!! #ROCKSTEADY!!!

NO EXCUSES

ALL I CAN SAY IS WOW!!! I WAS UP LATE TROLLING THE WEB LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION AND DOING MY USUAL RESEARCH GUESS WHAT I FOUND???

P.S. LISTEN TO IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT WILL BLESS YOU..I PROMISE..

#ROCKSTEADY!!!

I CANNOT STOP!!!!!!!

As some of you know this past few months has been very hard for me after the accident and other life conditions that I have been going through. Today as I was on my way from work I started thinking about what my motivation is? What keeps me going when putting one foot in front of the other gets hard, or when I start having out of body experiences of just giving up and staying in bed till I decompose?

The first thing that came to my mind is my trust in God. I believe that God put me on this earth for a purpose, and that purpose must be fulfilled regardless of what hard times I go through. I feel like my experiences are stories that will help many people because I can say to them I have been there, I know what it feels like, and this is how I overcame my obstacles. Another thing that keeps me going is my family who never let me give up, no matter how many times I cry, and say it’s too hard. They allow me to vent then instruct me to pick myself up and keep going. (Notice I said instruct) #there is nothing like family love…. They do not allow me to dwell in mediocrity. (Thanks Cousin for that one) this list also includes my friends who continue to encourage me and listen to me vent and still believe in my vision and help me however they can.

Aside from God, my family and friends, MUSIC plays a very big part of keeping me going. It might sound crazy but I heard this song by Nikki Minaj and Rihanna “I came to fly” that’s the song that gets me out of bed when my body is failing me. Beyonce’s “ I was here” keeps me focus on the vision God gave me, and Rick Ross “ Everyday I’m Hustling”  reminds me that I need to get money. #dontjudgeme!!!LOL.  Anyways, everybody has those things that push them to keep going but for me these things are working for me right now.

Remember when discouragement sets in find something or someone that will encourage you and uplift you to keep you going. We all need people do not think you are on your journey alone. God did not put all these things and people on earth for nothing take advantage of them. If all else fails I am here for you. REACH OUT!!! Inbox me!!

Peace love and hair grease!!

SMOOTH ROCKY ROAD!!

Hello world!!!! I am Baaccckkkkkkk!!! I know you missed me!!!

I am going to skip the entire New Year jumble because by now you have probably heard enough! I am however going to tell you how 2011 started and ended for me. It was not all bad but the bad were not so good and the good was great! Most of you that know me personally knew that I started 2011 ending a relationship that I thought was going to last forever. Like that song by Keith Sweat “Make it last Forever” yada yada yada!

     Well so on my road to recovery from that I found my destiny. “CAPIOR” Child Abuse Preventions Is Our Responsibility” doors began to open for me next thing I knew I was in Nigeria setting up an NGO, still “WIP” Work In Progress”. I met some great people while I was there and also reunited with family members and said prayers and visited the ones I lost over the years! Their memories still linger forever! #moment of silence! Ok moving right along, I came back to the states and a series of unfortunates events begin to occur some I am not going to list here , but a week before my November 30^th birthday. I was involved in an automobile accident due to the extreme negligence of another driver who rammed my car from the back while going in high speed. Long story short my car was a total lost and I was injured enough to alter my daily life. Since then I have had to learn to ride the bus and walk something I have not had to do since I was maybe 14yr old. Even walking is painful but I have to grit my teeth, take deep breaths and keep walking. After all I do not have a magic carpet to take me around. I am the type of person who likes to just get up and go without having to be on somebody else’s time. I have had to learn to rely on others. Thanks to everyone who has made time out of their schedule to check on me or offer any kind of help.

     I guess God wanted me to slow down BIG time! All this time I had on my hand, to catch the bus to work or to see the Doctor, brought me fresh ideas of how I will add to the transformation of my life. I have several projects in the works right now and when the time is right it will be launched so keep me in your prayers. I am not saying I took all this in stride, I have had my crying days and days that I didn’t want to get up and do it another day ,but through the strength and the will of God for my life I got up and kept moving. The best part of this journey has been the great support from my wonderful family and friends in my life. One of my biggest encourager and cousin says it best “Finding possibilities within limitations”. I said all that to say 2012 started a bit rocky but slowly and steadily it is shaping up to be the year my life will be transformed forever.

Never ever ever ever ever give up!!!!I am now a firm believer that every disappointment has a blessing in store. You just have to keep pushing, the rainbow is within reach!

P.S. I miss blogging though I have been blogging in my head so back to putting it on the screen.

Peace, Love and Hair grease!!!!

My Journey Through Therapy

The process of going through therapy can be the toughest thing any person that has gone through abuse can face. It can be tougher that the actual abuse. In therapy you are have to relive the abuse in details, and talk through your feeling about what happened.  The initial phase of therapy involves taking history. In the initial phase, you are asked about how old you were when the abuse occurred? Where were you at the time of the abuse? Do you know your abusers? How many abusers? Did you report the abuse? How frequent was the abuse? These questions among others can be very overwhelming for anyone. Your mind starts going down deep dark alley that was covered with concrete that you never wanted to revisit.

The beginning process is so overwhelming I cannot stop crying but I do not know what is making me cry. I do not know how to face my fears but I know that I have to face it in other for me to move on and help others. Of all the things I have done in my life, therapy is one of the hardest things I have to face. I thought all I had to do was start living as a survivor and take back my power, and start helping other. Boy was I wrong; I realized that I cannot even talk about my abuse without crying. I feel like my heart is always in a state of brokenness.

Sometimes people say some memories are better left in the past, but we fail to realize the things that we do not deal with, will come back and haunt us as we try to live our lives. It affects our relationships in ways that we do not see, and we wonder why we have issues in the way we deal with people. As I look deeply into my life, and the decisions I have made I can see how my past has tied into the path I took and how it has affected my relationships.Through this process I want to redefine myself and rebuild my relationship and hopefully build new ones.