God is so gracious!

Romans 3:23-25

 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—

We make it hard to come back to God after we have stepped out of his umbrella.

 I have sinned and fallen short of his glory. Even in the midst of my sins, I felt inadequate to come back to him and ask for forgiveness. I felt like a pig all muddy and filthy. I knew the path I was taking was very wrong for me, I knew what I was doing was not bringing glory to his name. The worst part is that I allowed the devil to convince me that where I was is where I needed to be. I had sidetracked from what was working for me. I could barely spend time with my maker. I missed him so much yet I was unable to reach out to him. I felt like I had let God down after giving my life to him and allowing him to work in my life.

Here I was living in darkness, miserably and lonely. I begged God for the strength to break the chain that was holding me back. I missed him so much and wanted so much to be back in his bosom where I always found peace and unspeakable joy. Yet with all the signs he showed me, telling me that I needed to run back to him, I just ignored him and stayed where I was just like a prodigal son. I knew that I am a daughter of the king, the Most High God, yet I felt ashamed to run back to him and lay my burdens on his feet.

It took an emotional and physical breakdown for me to find the courage to break free from the darkness that had overcome my life.  Even after getting out of darkness, I found it hard to go back into his presence. I just sat there looking for the words to tell him how sorry I was for leaving him and to ask for his forgiveness. It seems like I sat there forever, eventually I just started talking to him knowing that there is nothing I was saying to him that he did not already know I was going to say! After, I talked to him, I just sat there reflecting on how far I had strayed from his presence.

Finally, I asked him to lead me into his word, I needed to know that he had forgiven me and receive me back into his bosom. I opened my bible and lo and behold I landed on psalms 51 wow!! This passage is where Prophet Nathan came to David after he had committed adultery with Bathsheba after David was confronted with his adulterous ways,  he immediately repented of his transgression. His spirit was broken and he pleaded for forgiveness. The verses that resonated with me the most came from:

Psalms 51 verse 7-12
“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me”.  Yes amen! I felt renewed
Psalms 51: is exactly what I needed to get myself back into the bosom of my creator. My spirit and mind is clear  now, and I can now focus on rebuilding my relationship with God. God is so good and gracious if only we allow him to work in our lives.
Romans 8:38-39
 ^“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us (ME) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”.

Stay Strong and rock on!!