Surviving!

Sexual abuse is very sensitive subject and must people do not like to talk about it. I was born and raised in Nigeria where my abuse took place. As a child, I never told anyone about my abuse and I lived with it for many years. Coming to America like I have said many times was an eye opener for me this is where I realized that abuse was wrong though I never sought help for it.

 I see myself as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have written most of my story on my blog already but lately, I have been thinking about what it takes to actually become a survivor! What does that word mean? According to the dictionary, the word survive has several definitions. ‘To survive’ means: To carry on despite hardships or trauma; to persevere; to cope with (a trauma or setback); to persevere after a tough incident. One source defines a survivor as ‘One who lives through affliction’! I like that last one the most.

Yes! I have been carrying on despite trauma but I realize I am I just floating through life and letting life dictate for me what and how I should feel. What is controlling my happiness and my success? Sure! I survived childhood abuse but what psychological effect has it had on my life thus far?

How do I see myself as survivor and what actions do I have to take in my daily life to overcome my demons? Can you really be free from the demons of the past or do you just learn to live with them? And not let the demons dictate for you how you are going to live your life? I spent time looking back at the decisions I had made so far in my life and I realize that I am still tied to my past. My self esteem was not what I thought it was. I was still doing things and involving myself with things and people that indicated to me that I have no self love.

So the battle continues between good and evil. Do I rise up to the occasion or do I continue to be a product of my environment? I am mainly asking myself questions right now so my writing will reflect what is going on in my head at the moment. All questions will be answered step by step. One thing I am learning to do is be present in my life, moment by moment.