The process of going through therapy can be the toughest thing any person that has gone through abuse can face. It can be tougher that the actual abuse. In therapy you are have to relive the abuse in details, and talk through your feeling about what happened. The initial phase of therapy involves taking history. In the initial phase, you are asked about how old you were when the abuse occurred? Where were you at the time of the abuse? Do you know your abusers? How many abusers? Did you report the abuse? How frequent was the abuse? These questions among others can be very overwhelming for anyone. Your mind starts going down deep dark alley that was covered with concrete that you never wanted to revisit.
The beginning process is so overwhelming I cannot stop crying but I do not know what is making me cry. I do not know how to face my fears but I know that I have to face it in other for me to move on and help others. Of all the things I have done in my life, therapy is one of the hardest things I have to face. I thought all I had to do was start living as a survivor and take back my power, and start helping other. Boy was I wrong; I realized that I cannot even talk about my abuse without crying. I feel like my heart is always in a state of brokenness.
Sometimes people say some memories are better left in the past, but we fail to realize the things that we do not deal with, will come back and haunt us as we try to live our lives. It affects our relationships in ways that we do not see, and we wonder why we have issues in the way we deal with people. As I look deeply into my life, and the decisions I have made I can see how my past has tied into the path I took and how it has affected my relationships.Through this process I want to redefine myself and rebuild my relationship and hopefully build new ones.
